Angel: When I arrived at the hospital after work I went directly to the garden. I hid behind a bush and yelled L--I--A--M. From the path I could see her approaching on her wheelchair, a wide smile on her face stretched from ear to ear. What a gift. I'll never get tired of saying that. The last few days Liam didn't smile at all. If there were any expressions out of her they were moaning and complaining. Not a lot, but some. In addition, she was very uncomfortable sitting in her chair. And here we are on Thursday, not only she sat in her chair for more than an hour, but smiling too.
Devil: But this didn't last for too long. Shortly after the OOOOOWWWWWWies started. We noticed that if we keep walking, she complained less. So we walked round and round the garden. At some point that was enough too and she had to get back in bed. Pain meds didn't help. The OOOOWWWies continued. Until.....
Angel: They cath'd her. Within minutes she started smiling and joking. Rachel informed me that there was a good chance we would leave the hospital on Friday and go home. On my way home that night I dropped a prescription at CVS for next day pickup.
Devil: But not an hour went by when Rachel called to ask if the prescription is ready. Liam was in too much pain. Those pains, now know we, lasted all night long and all Friday long. I rejoined Liam Friday at 2:30, while she was in dialysis. The OOOOWWWWies continued non-stop. Rachel thought it was more mental than physical. I disagreed. Pain-complaints continued into Friday evening.
I returned to the hospital Friday at 7:30 to find Liam still whining. For more than 24 hours now.
Small angel: I read Frog and Toad to her and within minutes she fell into deep sleep, which lasted nearly 2 hours. That was her first sleep of more than 20 minutes in the last 24 hours.
That is, of course, if you believe in angels and devils.
What is like to spend a night with Liam when she's in pain?
It has several aspects to it:
- The biggest factor is of course Liam's pain. The suffering she's going through.
- The frustration of being her parent and the inability to help.
- The frustration of the medications not helping.
- The frustration of the Drs scratching their heads not knowing what to do.
- The fatigue. You're so tired yourself, physically and mentally. And frustrated - did I say that already?
Saturday
Now Liam's back home. Angel and devil story again. When Liam left the hospital around 2 PM and all the way home, she was in excellent mood. She was interactive, she joked. When we drove up the driveway and I announced "Liam's home" she gave out a huge YAAAAY, like the good old Liam.
But as soon as we got on the porch the OOOOOWWWWies resumed. We put her in this bed and that bed, gave her this medicine and that - nothing worked. And that's the way things are as I'm writing this - 8-ish. Wait, suddenly she fell asleep, allowing us to eat dinner in peace. The baby monitor is right next to us. We can hear her breathe while we eat. Curious George is in the background, as usual.
The evening post dinner was as before - angels and devils flip-flops. Sudden mood changes. From being content and happy to being extremely agitated within seconds.
I swear I watered the garden
I hardly ever take care of the garden. I don't like planting, weeding, etc. Not my thing. (I'm trying weeding every now and then, but they beg me to stop it after I pull out a few expensive and exotic plants. My explanation that every war has its casualties didn't help. Strange, eh? So I retired. No arguments here.) I'm a certified irrigation engineer from back in Israel (the official title is something like Water and Soil "Practical Engineer"). It was useful as long as I was a farmer. So I declared myself the irrigation manager of the garden. In previous seasons I indeed installed a semi-automatic irrigation system. But since I took upon myself another title, I had to become more efficient with the irrigation system. But not to worry: I combined both jobs while taking the holistic approach. As a self appointed social coordinator, I sit on the porch trying to lure neighbors and by passers to join me for a glass of beer. Then I let nature take its course. From the porch, I'm watching the garden and the sky (like a lifeguard at the beach) and hoping for rain. If it doesn't rain, oh well, it's survival of the fittest for the plants. The saving in water balances perfectly the . Now everybody's happy.
But this last Thursday, thinking that Liam's returning home on Friday, I decided to be a good husband and water the garden. I wanted Rachel to see a green, blooming garden as soon as we drive in. I visited every plant and used all the hydrology and science I learned in my early years t make the garden happy. Then it rained that night, destroying all my brownie points. But honey, I swear I watered the plant. I did, I did!
Lesson learned: you wanna be a good husband? Drink beer on the porch and do nothing else. It makes no difference anyway.
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10 PM: from screaming in agitation-or-pain-or-who-knows-what, she suddenly fell asleep. Gotta get some sleep before the storm returns. What am I still doing awake writing this blog?
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