Black or white
In the past few days Liam is either deeply asleep, or moaning in her sleep, or in pain when she's awake. She is not awake and with no pain and happy. She's really trying hard to climb out of the hole, but keep falling back in. Bummer.
Yesterday she had a pretty good morning, but when she was hooked up to the dialysis machine at 11, things changed drastically. Her blood pressure (which is often too high) took a serious dive. Her temperature dropped to 94-something. For a while there was the thought of sending her to PICU (the serious ICU). Meanwhile they gave her more fluids and she started bouncing back. This is an important point: "gave her more fluids". Usually in dialysis they do two things: clean her blood, and remove fluids (since, once again, Liam's natural drainage and waste removing systems are not working right). And here they are ADDING fluids. So we didn't know what to expect until the next dialysis on Monday.
What they discovered is that some bacteria grew in the lines servicing the veins/arteries. That caused an infection - one of few. She received some big caliber antibiotics, and that seemed to helped.
And a bunch of tests were done: took blood and sent to the lab, shunt series (X-rays), CT-scan. Don't know the lab results, but the rest came negative.
It's Saturday night as I'm writing these words. Liam has been mostly sleeping the past 36 hours. Every now and then she complains. They give her more "stuff" and she goes back to sleep. Not fun, but at least she's not suffering.
The rest of this post is from earlier in the week. So time references are relative to when the pieces were written. In other words, there's no telling. You're screwed.
A BIG Laughter
I arrived in the afternoon. Liam's in dialysis. I sit next to her. She's so-so. In between moaning. Shall we read a book together? Frog and Toad? Without waiting for an answer I start reading, hoping that Liam would complete my sentences.
Toad: DRAT, this house is a...
Liam: mess
Frog: Your pants and jacket are lying on the...
Liam: floor
These are not words. These are hardly whispers.
But then I see it. It's not something big. For a matter of fact, it's very very small. Almost unnoticeable. Ever so slightly the corners of her mouth are moving. You can't call it a smile. But I know: It IS a smile. Her body is too weak for the full movement, but her brain is laughing hard. And that is plenty for me.
Blue what?
The Ghana-Germany game is on TV. A pretty good game, but it's difficult to follow. We're at dialysis. The machines and monitors are all beeping and screaming and buzzing (those who complain about the vuvuzelas should come for an afternoon on the 6th floor); the techs are running around busy, busy, busy; and Liam snores and then moans. LIAM!!! Either wake up and watch the game or sleep quietly. But don't disturb now. This game is too important. I place a call to the nurse to come with more drugs. We have another full half in front of us. Better be safe than sorry. During all this time I'm also "working". Well, at least I'm online with the email and messenger open. But these are terrible conditions to watch a game. For the first game of the day I placed my mobile office at the neighborhood bar, where I watched the game with a group of nice people, most of whom I met for the first time, and all of which are probably my best friends now - if to judge by the number of hugs I got after the US scored a goal. But while I'm blah-blah-blah'ing about the game, Liam starts moaning again. Only an hour went by. Two more hours of dialysis.
Oh hey, here comes Lucy in the sky with junk food. Again, she brought no diamonds (picture yourself...). Lucy is the all powerful head of FOCUS. Years ago I appointed her to be my mom, since I need my mommy and Rachel keeps ignoring me. Lucy never comes empty handed. Always some piece of something. But I love her nevertheless. This time Lucy surprises me: she brings a 6-pack of Blue Moon. We close the curtains around Liam's bed and quietly quietly - L`CHAIM. Then the conversation flows. But moooom, it's far too dangerous. They gonna discover us. They don't even let water in, let alone beer. Oh hush and enjoy your beer, she says. It will be ok. Did I say already I love her? The conversation is great, but Lucy dear, as much as I adore kids with special needs, Ghana is about to lose to Germany. This is WAAAAAY more important.
Well, Lucy came and left. The game is over. The evil Germans won again. An hour and 27 minutes of dialysis to go. Liam received Tylenol and so far she's holding nicely. Of course, now that I put it in writing, she'll probably start complaining again. Yesterday we thought we'd go home today. But then came last night with all the pains. Everything is so fragile. 53 minutes to go. Oops, I forgot to ask Lucy if they drink beer at the FOCUS offices. Maybe I'll apply there for a job??? 51 minutes. Liam is so strange. When the instruments are beeping and screaming the most, she suddenly smiles a huge smile - and follows it immediately with a moan. 49 minutes. As soon as the game was over and Lucy gone, time stopped moving.
(Lucy indeed visited. And she is indeed my mom. We indeed had a great conversation. You didn't fall for the beer drinking at dialysis though, did you? And pssssst, mom, I really do love you, but hey, Blue Moon is not beer. This is beer.)
Frozen in time
The bed is a mess, cloths are all over the place, laundry is only half folded, the kitchen is still being cleaned, mail is still unopened. That's what the house looks like when we need to return with Liam to the hospital all of the sudden. Because it is when Liam does feel good that not only we're the least prepared (to return), but we - OMG, get ready for this - trying to live normal life. You know, cooking, paper work, interact with the neighbors, etc. Liam's still the main focus, but now a forgotten cucumber and a book and a bottle of wine are occupying spaces in between the syringes and medicines and medical hoses. And all at once a decision is made: she's not well. We must take her in. And everything in the house freezes. Like an unfinished symphony. And then it takes us at least a week to restore order. Because meanwhile Rachel and Liam are in the hospital and Meitav and I are returning late and who wants to do it? All we want is to take a shower and get ready for the next day and get in bed. And that's how it happens time and time again.
I decided to be fat
I finally figured out how to lose weight. It's not about eating right and exercising. Nope. People have tried these methods for years - unsuccessfully. No, my method is based on exactly that: failure. Let me explain.
These days are way too busy for me - there's work, spending time at the hospital, Meitav is on summer vacation, and there's the world cup. There is no time to exercise. So I decided to be fat. You know how people always try to be rich? And how we try so hard to achieve world peace? Or on the contrary, how we try to kill Al-Qaeda? All unsuccessfully. Most of us will remain average for the rest of our life; world peace is an illusion; al-qaeda cannot be killed with guns. Well now, what if I try to be fat? What are my chances to succeed? Based on this theory, not very high. BINGO. I'm a genius!!! Bring on the haagen dazs, baby.
--------
It's 10:02 on a Saturday night. Liam is snoring, so I better floss, brush, and hit the hay. There's no telling what the night will be like. Plus, I'm on call tonight. Buenas noches (Argentina-Mexico tomorrow).
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment