A new test?

I've been through some tough times through the years:  childhood and school were a struggle; the army was extremely tough; I suffered from a serious injury right after the army (it took me several years to recover - physically and emotionally.  A lot lingers until today); many health issues since; moving to the US, away from my family and my country; going to school here, in a new language; Liam's birth and everything that followed - until now; the very difficult loss of Mom.  There were probably a few things I forgot.  I always considered every hurdle as the biggest challenge I ever faced.  Little I knew that there's a next one around the corner and that IT is the biggest.  Yet, I always came out on top.  Well, this now is by                                f                              a                       r
the biggest challenge of them all.  What makes it so difficult that this time it's not about me and not in my hands.  It's Liam.

I think all this experience made me a better man (though I completely understand if others will argue with this statement :-)  I learned to be stronger, more patient, more understanding, more mature (here's another argument).  But, what does any of that matter if Liam won't be with me?

It is strange to write theses words as if this is the end.  It is not [yet].  Everybody is working so hard to try and improve Liam's health.  But the thoughts are there.  It's difficult not to see the big picture: that her health has deteriorated dramatically in the last few months and there are no signs [yet] of recovery.  So once again, nobody's giving up, but the damn thoughts are infiltrating.